Stress Relief (Part 2): Stress-Relieving Activities Beyond Meditation to Calm Your Brain

(Note: This is second in a series of health-related posts that frame each topic in terms of the particular struggles busy, stressed-out, exhausted caregivers experience. Information is pulled from current research that might be most beneficial)

We all know how much stress can creep into our daily lives when we are caregivers. But what can we do about it when we are already mentally and physically exhausted and our time is so limited? There is certainly no shortage of advice and research on where to start. Most sources focus on things like exercise, nutrition, meditation, and sleep. I cover these topics in more depth in other posts, so today’s post will focus on alternative/additional options.

First of all, if you want to increase your brain’s cognitive reserves and reduce stress, it’s important to engage in monotasking, rather than multitasking. One of the largest and most insidious ways in which our cognitive resources diminish is through trying to juggle more than one task at a time. In fact, researchers have found that multitasking doesn’t actually exist. Our brains aren’t capable of focusing on more than one thing at a time. Instead, our attention quickly switches back and forth between tasks. So really, we are talking about task switching, rather than multitasking. Monotasking—focusing on one thing at a time—is much easier on our brains and does not deplete its resources nearly as quickly.

Unfortunately, task switching is something that as caregivers, we find ourselves doing often. Time is limited and alternative care for our loved ones can be difficult to find and arrange. Often, we move back and forth between providing care and doing other chores or fielding phone calls, texts, and emails related to our loved one.

It can be difficult, impractical, or even unsafe for us to engage in monotasking and to turn off the distractions around us. This is certainly the case for me. I am constantly bombarded on a daily (if not hourly) basis by messages and requests from JJ’s school, therapists, nurses, doctors, insurance companies, pharmacies, and case managers. Certainly, I can choose to ignore these communications. But if I do, I risk causing harm to JJ. Messages could relate to acute health issues or involve difficult-to-reach specialists and clinics.

So, let’s recognize that caregivers need to monotask in ways that are safe and practical for our families. We can look for those low-stakes pockets of time—early in the morning, late at night, when our child is in the care of a trusted helper or relative, for example—and allow our brains to focus on one thing at a time.

Another way to combat stress is to build mindfulness into your day. This really just takes monotasking one step further. When we find those moments of calm and are able to do one thing at a time, we can focus all of our attention on that task and the details of the moment. We can notice the sights, sounds, and sensations around us and practice letting go of thoughts about the past and future. If we are lucky enough to have time to do this by sitting/lying down and focusing on our breath, then great. But as I mentioned in my previous post, this is not always easy or effective for caregivers. Sometimes, mindfulness can be as simple as folding the laundry, eating lunch, or driving to work in an intentional way. Take a task you were going to do anyway and focus intently on the sensations in your body. If you repeat this on a daily basis, you can begin to change your neural circuitry.

Something else that has been highly effective at reducing my stress has been reading. Reading can provide an escape from worries, immerse you in another world, lower heart rate, decrease cortisol levels, and ease muscle tension. According to researchers, just six minutes of reading can lower your stress by 68%. The last few years I have made it my mission to grab a book every time I am tempted to scroll on my phone. For the most part, I read for pleasure--romantic comedies, thrillers, and mysteries--and carry my current library book with my almost wherever I go, just as I do with my phone. I read during breakfast, snacktime, at my doctor's appointments, and at night before bed. I also listen to audiobooks while driving and doing chores. Despite my busy caregiving life, I still finish a book every 2-3 days--mostly because I read whenever I am tempted to numb out on my phone. (After all, the average adult smartphone user spends 2.5 hrs/day on videos and 2 hrs/day hours on social media). I promise that the brain benefits are real. I love how quiet my mind feels, free from the pop-up ads, social comparisons, hyperlinks, and internet rabbit holes that make up our modern life.

We can also calm our brains by completing the stress cycle. I have written about this elsewhere, so I’ll make this short. In essence, we need to do something on a daily basis that results in a physical and chemical change in our bodies. We need to signal to our bodies that we are “safe” and that the stressful crisis has passed. Otherwise, the stress hormone cortisol can linger and wreak havoc on our minds and bodies. Some ways to complete the cycle include aerobic exercise (even very short intervals), giving/receiving hugs, and deep breathing.

Another source of stress is the daily anxiety and lasting trauma with which many caregivers struggle. These can be particularly difficult to manage because they are insidious, chronic, and often require outside intervention. Luckily, there is good evidence that therapy can help. Cognitive behavioral therapy—a therapy that focuses on changing cognitive distortions and harmful behavioral patterns—can improve anxiety. The ability to recognize and reframe unhealthy thoughts is an important tool in anyone’s stress-reduction arsenal.

And when it comes to trauma, EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) can help. This therapy allows people to focus on specific traumatic memories while engaging in bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements. Both types of therapy can be done on a short-term basis, making them great options for busy caregivers. I have personally benefitted from both.

Surprisingly (or perhaps not), researchers find that men and women differ, both in how they experience stress and how they respond to it. In general, men show classic "fight or flight" responses, while women focus more on "tend-and-befriend." While men produce more adrenaline and cortisol, women often release oxytocin, or the "bonding" hormone and benefit from focusing on shared social experiences and cameraderie. So if you are a woman and you want comfort and stress-busting effects, reach out to your emotional support network. In fact, some of the most transformative experiences I have had involve attending and facilitating a support group for disability mothers through the We Are Brave Together organization. You can find a local chapter on their website.

Last but not least, a good way to feel better can be to introduce “good stress” into your life. Good stress has been shown to increase neuroplasticity and blood flow to the brain and consists of anything that helps you stay motivated to accomplish goals and overcome challenges. It inspires, motivates, focuses energy, and enhances performance. Often, we can’t remove stressors from our lives. It can be difficult, if not impossible, to find safe, affordable care for our loved ones, and we certainly can’t fix the broken health care system. But we can change how we view and approach our struggles. We can find ways—large and small—to reshape aspects of our caregiving experiences so that they take on meaning and purpose in our lives.

Focusing on good stress has been one of the best things I have done for myself. Over my years as JJ’s caregiver, I have found things that energize me and that act as antidotes to the exhausting grind of her daily care. For example, I write about disability parenting, conduct an annual online fundraiser for the International Rett Syndrome Foundation, and facilitate a monthly support group for medical mothers.

Unfortunately, during our family’s extended rough patches—when JJ is sick or recovering from a surgery—I have to shrink down the scale of my “good stress” activities. Sometimes, all I can manage is to post advice or words of support for other Rett parents on Facebook. But even this can be enough to give me a sense of meaning and purpose. Good stress outlets don’t have to be large-scale or time-consuming; they simply need to make you feel motivated and inspired.

As caregivers, we are used to getting creative, finding workarounds, and pushing beyond the bounds of conventional wisdom and advice. When it comes to our own stress relief, we have to do the same. You might have to work at it for a while and experiment with several methods, but you can find ways to introduce stress reduction into your caregiving life. Because your busy, frazzled, exhausted brain deserves some moments of quiet.

Join us in the next post to learn more about sleep and the caregiver’s brain.