Nutrition: How on Earth Can Stressed-Out Medical Parents Have a Healthy Diet?

(Note: This is the fourth in a series of health-related posts that frames each topic in terms of the particular struggles busy, stressed-out, exhausted caregivers experience and pulls from current research that might be most beneficial for them).

Let’s start with a universal truth: Almost everyone knows what a healthy diet consists of. They just don’t know how to make that diet actually happen. These days we aren’t dealing with a knowledge gap, but an implementation challenge.

This is a challenge I experienced first-hand when I decided to improve my own nutrition last year. There are several neurodegenerative diseases that run in my family, and watching some of my relatives struggle with these afflictions has been heart wrenching. It convinced me to make changes in my daily habits because currently, the only way to prevent these diseases is through healthy lifestyle choices. I wanted to avoid falling prey to the same fate and remain a healthy caregiver for my family. So, I began looking into the science on how to improve my nutrition.

In this post I’m going to focus on diet implementation and mostly skip over the particulars of what makes up a healthy diet. Because although nutrition science is hopelessly complicated, the basics of a healthy diet have remained relatively simple over the decades. Don’t consume too many calories. Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish, nuts, and olive oil. Reduce processed foods, sugar, red meat, and alcohol. Cook your own meals whenever possible.

The problem is actually eating a diet that looks like this in our current food environment. Healthy, organic foods can be expensive. Processed foods are cheap and ubiquitous. And comfort eating is often glorified in books, movies, and television shows. We live in a world of confusing scientific findings, food anxiety, misinformation, and outrageous claims on social media.

What is a stressed-out, busy, and exhausted caregiver meant to do? We are often just trying to get through the day, one syringe of medication at a time. We don’t normally have time to make homecooked dinners, sit down and plan the week’s groceries and meals, or whip up batches of healthy snacks. We stress eat. Well-meaning friends bring us cookies to cheer us up. Our child is sick again and we don’t have time to go to the store.

For starters, give yourself some grace. Do what you can. We don’t need to add a burden of guilt on top of everything else we carry. If you are in crisis mode, just file all of this away for later. All of the improvements I have made to my own diet have been during the times when my daughter, JJ, has been healthy and had stable childcare. When it comes to changes in nutrition, it’s important to make the most of periods of calm.

As I got started, instead of focusing on the foods themselves, I focused on the science of habit formation. It’s up to each individual what healthy foods they want to eat, but we could all benefit from learning how to form healthier eating habits that stick. According to the research, this is something best done in very small increments over a long period of time—good news for those of us whose brains and lives are already at capacity. Also, researchers are finding that the people who successfully change their habits don’t have more willpower than the rest of us. They are simply more adept at engineering their environment.

So, create a nutritious food environment at home, in as much as this is possible. There are many ways to do this. Telling other people about your intentions—I love you but please don’t bring me any more cookies—is one way. So is keeping unhealthy foods out of sight or far away. (After moving my children’s Halloween candy to the basement, I ate a lot less of it). Order your week’s food on Instacart at a moment when you are not exhausted or stressed and bypass the tempting foods at the store. When people want to know how they can help, ask them to bring you a healthy meal.

Before I jumped in, I did something else that habit formation research suggests. I conducted an observational study for a couple of weeks, noticing my current eating pattern and how my body felt after eating certain foods. Then I did something else recommended by behaviorists. I focused on the positive. Because the human mind is much better at adding things than taking them away, I noticed the healthy foods I already liked and tried to incorporate more of those into my meals.

My emotional relationship to food was also a part of my observation. Which stressful situations triggered me to reach for a cookie, for example? (Spoiler alert: It usually involves a last-minute childcare cancelation). For stressed-out caregivers in particular, it’s important to recognize the patterns we fall into when things aren’t going well. There are several things we can do about them. I decided to use my family’s periods of calm to set up healthy habits that I hoped would remain. But you could also choose to work with a therapist on your relationship to food—if you have the time, energy, and money, of course—or simply allow yourself grace during periods of crisis.

According to the science, another good place to start is breakfast. Many of us are used to eating the same quick meal every morning, so make it a healthy one. (But make sure you do this slowly). I decided on oatmeal because it is great way to lower cholesterol, even though I disliked the taste. Over a period of weeks, I experimented with different additions to find the ones that made my breakfast more palatable. I settled on dark chocolate chips, cherries, blueberries, nuts, peanut butter, and honey. Months later, this is still what I eat every single morning. But the difference is that I actually like it. This is another piece of good scientific news. Over time, we can change what our taste buds enjoy.

So, if all you do is change your breakfast, it’s still a major feat. One healthy meal every day is a big step in the right direction. However, if you want, you can do the same for lunch and have a few quick, healthy, affordable meals on rotation. This reduces your cognitive load and makes it easier to find cheaper grocery options. We save a good amount of money when we’re not chasing the newest superfood or buying unusual ingredients for new recipes we’re not sure anyone will enjoy. (I’m going to make a shameless plug here for anyone who lives in the Midwest: Aldi’s prices are significantly lower than other grocery store chains). In an ideal world, we would eat a great variety of healthy foods, but as caregivers, we left the ideal world behind a long time ago.

I hope you find practical ideas and encouragement for your future in this post. But no one is blaming you if you simply don’t have the money, time, energy, or interest to make any of this happen. We all lead difficult lives and can only put our meager cognitive resources toward a limited number of things. If you are passionate about eating a healthier diet, though, it is possible, even as a stressed-out disability parent. My life might look similar to yours—battling my daughter’s progressive neurological disorder, preparing a dozen daily medications, operating a feeding tube multiple times throughout the day, and many other time-consuming caregiving tasks.

For me, changing my diet for the better and feeling happier and less anxious because of it was absolutely worth the year-long investment, even if I had several setbacks along the way. You are more than an exhausted caregiver. You are a human being who deserves to prioritize your own body and feel good in it. Basing healthy dietary changes on behavioral research is a great way to start.

Join us in our next post to learn about caregivers and exercise.